The Afternoon of Aquatic Transgression

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Let it be known that, on this day, the eighteenth of February in the year of someone else's lord 2011, Dave, Evan/Ian/Ivan/Ethan/Yvonne/Hamlet, and Nat struck a blow for the common man - no, don't write that; it's stupid - DEFIED THE TYRANNICAL FORCE OF THE WANG and plunged ankle-deep into the Apparently Forbidden Fountain, primordial pool whence all Stony Brook emerged in times immemorial. Though faced with what looked suspiciously like angry janitors and vicious artists, our daring heroes gallantly escaped. The tingling of Evan's feet was heard throughout the ages. Sadly, Ians 7, 12, and 18, and Dave the 5th, 16th, 23rd, Dave the Viral, and Dave the Oblong perished in the excursion - though some say, if one looks into the fountain at a certain grievously bored time, one can still see the splashing of their atrocious hobbit feet.